Flame that Burns

By: Missfortune

Disclaimer: I don't own them, please don't sue.

Warnings: Yaoi, ANGST! Death

Notes: Whatever demons possessed me I hope they're happy, making me be so cruel and cry as I wrote this.This gets pretty angsty, even I was crying and I don't usually cry. Don't kill me for this I was possessed really!

Journal of Ryo

Dear Journal,

I had the dream again last night. Every night for the last three months I've had the same dream. In the dream I'm a small red flame. Four other flames surround me. Two blues, one orange and one green. I know that they are the guys. Rowan, Sai, Kento, and Sage. At first we're all together in a tight little fire. It's warm and happy. But as the dream goes the other flames slowly separate themselves from the fire. Dark blue with green and light blue with orange, leaving me cold and alone. I try to reach out for them, but I get weak until finally a gust of wind blows me out. That's when I wake up shivering and alone. It was always the same. I know what the dream means. I don't need to be a genius like Rowan or Sage to figure out what it means. The dream is telling me that I'm feeling left out by the other four. I'm being ignored, maybe not purposely but it's happening.

I love them all and I know they love me back, but they love each other more. In the beginning Sage and Rowan were together and Kento and Sai were a couple. I'm like a fifth wheel, added in as an afterthought. They had eventually included me in their beds, switching partners, loving and being loved by every one. But soon it ended. Slowly but surely they gravitated back towards each other leaving me out in the cold.

I'm scared to bring up the subject, because they were never mine to begin with. They had invited me into their beds. Beggars can't be choosers. So if they left me out, there is nothing I can do about it. I'm too afraid to ask directly, but even spending time with them is a rare thing now. Every time I ask to do something with them they always have plans. So I go to movies, watch football games, and eat my dinner alone. I've had to become the aloof leader once more. I put on the smiles and crack the jokes, but my heart's not in it. Inside I feel my fire flickering.

Nobody seems to notice the act. They're too wrapped up in each other. Whiteblaze notices. He hardly ever leaves my side now. He offers his support and unconditional love, but there is only so much a faithful pet can do. I think I'm slipping into depression. I don't know what else to call it. I can't write anymore, because it's starting to make be cry. I'm going to warm up a TV dinner and watch the game now.

Ryo

Dear Journal,

Today Sai reminded everybody about our anniversary. This is how the conversation went:

"Hey everybody! Our anniversary is coming up soon. What do you want to do for it?" Sai asked us at the breakfast table.

"Maybe we should go out to dinner," Rowan suggested. "They have that new restaurant that just opened up downtown."

"No, you guys always go out," I said. "Why don't you stay in and let me cook?"

"Okay," Kento said. "You cook and we'll eat."

And that was the end of the issue. Case closed, just like that. But I'm going to make it the best dinner they've had in a while. Maybe they won't leave me at home so much anymore. So far I've found all the recipes for their favorite foods. Now I have to dip into my saving to buy some of the ingredients. Only the best for my friends, lovers? Time for me to go grocery shopping.

Ryo

Dear Journal,

They didn't show up! I spent all day making dinner, went out and bought expensive ingredients and hundreds of candles and they didn't show up! They don't love me anymore. That has got to be it. Otherwise they would have come home or left a note or something. Instead I sit at a giant table filled with their favorite foods, surrounded by hundreds of flickering candles completely alone. I waited for hours, but they didn't show up. I fell asleep at the table and had the dream again. I woke up surrounded by flickering flames screaming, but there was no one there to comfort me. Whiteblaze sat at my feet through it all, but as much as I love him, he doesn't have what I need. He doesn't' have two arms to hug me tight and a voice to tell me it's alright. But it's not. Because they never came home. Can it ever be right again?

I think I need some fresh air. Maybe I'll go for a walk. The ravine has a nice view of the stars. I just need to get out of here, can't stay and remember how alone I am.

Ryo

Journal of Rowan

Dear Journal,

How could we all have been so blind? How did we miss his pain? We loved him. Love him. How could we not have seen? I guess it all started a few months ago. We all assumed that someone else was spending time with him, when we were actually leaving him all alone. If there is one person who does not like to be alone for too long, it's Ryo. If there's one person who should have noticed it should have been me. I was supposed to be his best friend. Instead we just abandoned him. I feel like scum. I feel worse than that. I feel like I want to die. Tonight is the worst night of my life. It was supposed to be so happy. We were supposed to celebrate our anniversary. But it didn't turn out that way. Instead it all turned into a living nightmare.

Journal of Sage

Dear Journal,

I am such a fool. I had something so good going for me, but I was so awed by it I seemed to ignore it. Like I was afraid to touch it. I thought that I wasn't good enough for it. I thought that the others would appreciate it more. I was wrong. Not just me. The others as well. We had something so precious, but in our carelessness we lost it. The flame has been extinguished, never to light again. And with it, something inside of us died. Something we can never get back again.

Diary of Sai

Dear Diary,

I can't stop crying. I feel like I'm going to drown in my own tears or that they will run out and I will start crying blood. It would be a fitting punishment for what I have done. I should have noticed. I should have remembered. This wasn't supposed to turn out this way. We were supposed to be happy. We were supposed to be in love forever. We were supposed to live. But how can I live with this guilt in my heart?

Journal of Kento

Dear Journal,

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm so stupid! We're stupid. It's all our fault. What's our fault? I'll tell you. Today was our anniversary. Me and Sai went to the beach to celebrate. Sage and Rowan went to some fancy health club. Nothing wrong with that you say, but the stupid thing is none of us thought about Ryo. We left him home alone each thinking that the other had brought him along. But, boy were we wrong. So, so wrong.

Ryo stayed home and made dinner as we originally planned. I still remember what Ryo said only last week.

He said, "No, you guys always go out. Why don't you stay in and let me cook?"

And I said, "Okay. You cook and we'll eat."

And then we dropped the subject. We should have talked about it longer planned it out, because we all forgot about dinner and made other plans. We didn't get home till early the next morning. Me and Sai got in at exactly the same time as Sage and Rowan. When we saw each other I asked them where Ryo was. They gave me a blank look and said they thought he was with us. Then Sai remembered that Ryo was supposed to cook us dinner. We ran into the house looking for Ryo. Sai called us to the dining room. The place was beautiful. I'm not the kind of person who usually notices pretty things but the setup was amazing.

Hundreds of candles were sitting around the room. Most were still lit, but many had already died out leaving trails of wax drippings. The table was set with Sai's good china and real silverware, each piece perfectly laid out. There was so much food. All my favorites, and Sai's and Sage's and Rowan's as well. It was all sitting there pretty as you please just waiting for someone to eat it. But it was all cold. Little name cards sat on every plate next to a little red rose. But the roses had wilted from being out of water so long. At Ryo's place the chair was knocked over like he left in a hurry.

As we stood there dumbly taking in the beautiful meal that had been set out for us a breeze seemed to run through the room. Then all the candles flickered out at once and then the pain came. It was like nothing I've ever felt in my life. I've been through things that other people will never even dream of, but this felt like someone was clawing at my heart from the inside. It was so bad that I screamed. I heard the others scream too, just before I passed out.

Journal of Rowan

When I finally woke up the sun was beginning to make it's way over the horizon. We were all lying on the floor in various states of consciousness. My first thought was if everyone was all right, then hot on its heels came thought of Ryo. Where was Ryo? What happened to him? Just as I thought this I heard something that will haunt my dreams forever. Whiteblaze screamed. From somewhere off in the forest the huge white tiger was screaming. This terrible sound immediately brought everyone around. We were out the door searching for Whiteblaze in ten seconds flat. We found Whiteblaze at the ravine about a mile from the house. His cries echoing off the walls as he looked down mournfully. A feeling of dread grew in my stomach. I did not want to look down the ravine, but I knew it was important. Slowly I inched forward, the guys just steps behind me and what I saw at the bottom shattered my world. It was Ryo.

Journal of Sage

My heart froze. I jumped down ignoring the fact that it was almost a six-story drop. And there at the bottom, my eyes confirmed what my heart already knew. It was Ryo. He was lying oddly on the ravine floor. A pool of blood lay around him. My feet dragged forward slowly until I knelt down beside him. His beautiful blue eyes were open staring blankly at the golden morning sky. The fire in those eyes I love so much was gone. No light, no laughter, no life. I reached my hand forward. It was trembling. I touched his smooth cheek. It was so cold. Ryo had always been so warm, for him to be cold was a crime. But he was cold now, cold as death. The chill ran straight through my arm and settled in my chest. It is there still. I don't think I'll ever be warm again.

Diary of Sai

I watched Sage touch his cheek. My heart was crying out as I looked down at his broken body. I knew that body so intimately and now there it lay odd unnatural angles in a pool of blood. That blank blue eyed stare is forever etched in my heart. Even now I can see the loneliness and hurt in his eyes. Why couldn't I see it before? Why did this have to happen? Why him? Dear God why him?

Journal of Kento

I'm supposed to be the strong one. But at that moment I felt as week as a baby. Everyone was crying. Even Sage, the stoic one was breaking down like a baby. But what are you supposed to do when one of your best friends, one of your lovers dies and you know without a doubt that you could have prevented it? It was our lowest moment. It was also the moment the Dark Warlords chose to attack.

We were totally unprepared and in absolutely no condition to fight. They backed us into a corner enveloped in darkness and mists. We were stuck between a rock and a hard place and had no chance. Sai never even made it into his armor before they struck. It was hopeless.

Journal of Rowan

Then out of the darkness and the mists that had enveloped us so quickly, a bright light shone. A light brighter than any Sage ever gave off. And a figure stepped out of the mists dressed in pure white with huge ivory wings and blades of fire. I knew that I was looking at an angel. And that angel was Ryo. It was one of the most amazing sites I'd ever seen. Ryo drove the warlords off in seconds, dispersing the darkness, leaving us free to see the blood red of the morning sunlight falling upon his fallen mortal body.

"Ryo!" Sai called out.

Ryo the angel turned to us with empty blue eyes. Those eyes sent a chill through my body. They could not be the eyes of Ryo. Ryo always had a flame burning deep within, but these were so dead. Nobody dared to speak and the angel that was Ryo bowed his head and slowly began to fade from site. As I contemplated those eyes I realized something. We had lost him. Not just his life, but we had lost his heart. We had killed him. Ryo was truly dead.

Journal of Sage

So cold. I have never seen Ryo's eyes so cold. But it told me all that I needed to know. Ryo was gone. Not just his physical life, but his soul as well. Suddenly out of nowhere a voice spoke behind us.

"He is not gone."

I turned expecting to see another warlord of some kind waiting for us, but I was not prepared for what I found. Hovering midair was another angel. Like none I had ever seen. He was beautiful with his huge violet eyes and long winding chestnut braid, which was coiled like a rope around his slender waist. He wore a simple toga of material as black as the deepest shadows that swirled mysteriously. His wings were not the wings of birds, but instead they were expansive leathery black bat wings that spread out behind him, blocking the light from the sun.

"Who are you?" Rowan breathed.

"I am Shinigami," the beautiful dark angel replied.

"God of Death," I whispered and he nodded.

"Yes, that's me. God of Death at your service," Shinigami admitted.

"What do you want?" Kento asked.

"Are you here to take Ryo?"

"No," Shinigami said. "Actually I'm here to give him back."

"What? Really?" Sai asked excitedly.

"Woah wait hold on a second, what's the catch," Rowan asked suspiciously.

"You have to prove to me that you love him," Shinigami said.

"How do we do that?" Sai asked.

"It is not for me to say. If you truly love him, you will think of something," Shinigami replied. "You have the rest of the day to think of something. Carry the body home. I will visit you again tonight at the stroke of midnight, then you will have the chance to gain back your love. If you cannot, he will stay in my realm and be lost to you forever." With that said, Shinigami wrapped his wings around himself and was gone.

Diary of Sai

We can get Ryo back! But we have to prove our love. And we only have a day to figure out how? I know I love Ryo. But how do I prove it? If he were alive I could cook him dinner, buy him gifts, give him flowers, take him to bed and make sweet love. But how do you prove it to a stranger, a god? How can I prove my love?

Journal of Kento

I carried him home. I never realized he was so delicate. Cradling his broken body to my chest I realize that I never saw a lot of things. I'm not the most observant person in the world, but I should have seen his pain. He feels like he will blow away in a strong wind. He must have been loosing weight these last few months.

I love him. I really do, but as I carry his battered body home, his blood soaks through my clothing. None of us can actually bring ourselves to look at the wound that ended Ryo's life, but we know what happened. We saw the matter spread across the rocks. So now as I walk him home, I bathe in his blood. I never was a poetic person but sorrow brings out my eloquence it seems. I feel as though I am being christened in blood. Maybe that is it, maybe that is why I feel the need to write a poem.

Bathed in blood

As I cradle you in my arms, my love
All I can ask is why
As I walk you to our home, my love
I can't help but cry
Why'd you have to leave my love?
Smashed upon cruel stone
Why'd you have to die my love?
Leaving blood and bone
As I bathe in your blood my love
I desperately seek to know
I need you by my side my love
I love you Ryo

Journal of Rowan

Kento carried Ryo home. We laid him out on his bed and left to brainstorm. How do you prove to a stranger that you love someone? I know that I love Ryo. That love has always been a part of me, I know its there, but I guess Ryo didn't, so how do I show it?

To Be Continued.....

Flame That Burns: To Prove Your Love

Well? *sniff* what did you think? Please tell me! I need to know!