He What?!

By: Missfortune

Disclaimer: Don't own them, but I should.

Warning: Yaoi, Relena bashing.

Notes: Don't know where the idea came from, but here it is. I think a plot bunny gave it to me and the muse nursed it to life.

"He what?!" Quatre yelled.

Trowa and Wufei looked up in surprise at the blonde's shriek.

"He . . . he . . ." Duo sniffled. "He got engaged to Relena!" Duo wailed.

"What?!" Wufei and Trowa yelled in unison. They looked at each other with wide eyes before turning back to the shocked blonde and the sobbing braided boy.

"He left us for that harridan?!" Wufei asked astonished.

"It can't be," Trowa said quietly.

"He . . . he said it was his mission," Duo sobbed.

"He left us for a mission?" Quatre said softly. His bottom lip started to quiver slightly before he too broke into tears. He and Duo clung to each other as they cried over Heero's cruelty. Trowa and Wufei wasted no time to go over and comfort their lovers. They sat in a giant group hug before the two crying boys finally calmed down. Trowa spoke up over their sniffles.

"Has anyone confirmed the information?"

"Confirmed?! He packed his bag and told me he was leaving and the next thing I know the news starts spouting about The Queen of the World's engagement to the famous Gundam Pilot Heero Yuy! What more confirmation do I need? It's on every channel! Turn on the TV if you don't believe me!!" Duo yelled hysterically.

Wufei soothed their panicked lover as Trowa went to turn on the television. Sure enough, on every channel, the news hounds were playing up announcement of the Queen of the World's engagement and impending wedding. Both Trowa and Wufei paled and Quatre and Duo broke into fresh rounds of tears. How could their Heero leave them like that? Trowa and Wufei exchanged a look that said that they too would like to start crying, but they must be strong for Duo and Quatre's sakes.

Heero was standing in the middle of a small crowd of people. They were the finishing touches on his tuxedo. Things were moving very swiftly, it was only yesterday that the engagement was announced and he was already being sewn into a monkey-suit. It was almost as if Relena was afraid that she didn't hurry she could loose him. As much as he didn't want to though that was his mission and he would complete it.

His thoughts were intruded upon by the sound of breaking glass. His head whipped around to face down two gun barrels. The tailors screamed and ran for their lives leaving Heero to face two of his enraged lovers alone.

"Heero you bastard," Wufei growled his dark eyes glaring. Trowa stayed characteristically silent but the hurt and hatred in his eyes more than made up for his silence.

"Wufei, Trowa," Heero acknowledged trying to look unfazed, but the look in his lovers' eyes was putting fear in his heart.

"You absolute asshole, you shattered Duo, he was there with you when you left. You made him feel like a piece of trash! You know how he's been treated and you know he has stronger feelings for you and you still cast him aside as he feels everyone else in his life has done. Duo kept trying to hurt himself! And Quatre's not much better! He's blaming himself for not being good enough to keep you with us. He keeps trying to leave to because he thinks he drove you off and he's not good enough to be with the rest of us. We had to tranquilize them and put them to bed. And they haven't stopped crying yet. They're taking this really hard." Wufei ranted.

Heero didn't want to hurt them. They all held a special place in his heart no matter what, especially bright Duo and soft little Quatre. He couldn't believe that Duo was trying to hurt himself. Quatre was trying to run away?! And it was all his fault. His decision wavered. He quickly pulled his perfect soldier guise around him, wiping the emotion from his face, but Trowa caught a glimpse of it. His gun wavered slightly before he spoke up for the first time.

It was only a single word but it cut Heero deeply. "Why?" Trowa whispered softly, confidant that the question would reach Heero's ears.

'It's for the mission, it's for the mission, it's for the mission,' Heero chanted to himself, trying not to loose his resolve. "I must," Heero said.

"Why must you?" Wufei demanded.

"It is my mission," Heero replied.

"You left us for a fucking mission!!" Wufei cried out in rage. "Bull shit," Wufei sneered. Heero was stunned to hear such words coming from his usually reserved lover. "I want to see the mission orders," Wufei demanded.

Heero gave a short nod and slowly got down off the stool he was standing on. Wary of the guns still pointed at his back, he moved across the room and sat down at his laptop. He pulled the mission up and stood aside allowing the other boys to look at the damning orders. It said something to the effects that Heero must marry Relena in order to keep her safe forever. Wufei's face fell as he read the orders but he kept his anger wrapped tightly around him.

"So you left us for a damned mission!" he spat. "I shouldn't be surprised, though. You always did live for the mission. We were only convenient fucks between missions."

"No," Heero denied hoarsely.

"Then why?!" Wufei shouted. "If you really cared for us at all, you'd drop this charade and come back home with us!"

"I must," Heero stated like a broken record.

Trowa moved closer to the screen and soon was tapping away at the keys of the laptop. Heero broke his façade long enough to sigh.

"Its no use," he said almost despairingly. "I double checked them hundreds of times."

"You didn't check enough," Trowa replied stepping away from the laptop.

"What?" Heero asked as Wufei perked up.

"The orders are fake," Trowa declared.

"How can you tell?" Wufei asked.

"The dots on the i 's" Trowa said.

"Huh?" Wufei said eyebrows knitting together.

"The dots on the i's are tiny hearts ª," Trowa said.

"What?!" Heero yelled.

"Tiny hearts?" Wufei asked skeptically.

Trowa nodded.

Wufei and Heero crowded around the screen. Heero tapped a few keys, magnifying the page and sure enough, each i was topped with a microscopic heart and one ending each sentence. Wufei and Heero were dumbfounded.

Heero was the first to recover, anger darkening his features. Hearts could only mean one thing. Relena. She had set him up. She had made him hurt his lovers because of one of her twisted plots. The sounds of shredding drew Wufei and Trowa's attention. Heero was tearing the ill-fated tuxedo off. Wufei and Trowa shook their heads as they realized that Heero had been wearing his typical green tank top and spandex shorts under the tuxedo. Heero pulled a gun from seemingly nowhere and began to stalk off.

"Heero wait," Trowa called.

"What?" Heero asked the quiet boy not even turning around.

"Wouldn't killing her be too easy?" Trowa said softly.

That got Heero's attention, Wufei's as well. "Shouldn't you think of something more painful for her?" Trowa asked.

An evil grin began to spread across Wufei's face. "I like the way you think, love."

Again this unexpected side of one of his lovers struck Heero. Maybe he had been too focused on the mission. He didn't know his lovers as well as he should. But he did agree with Trowa. Killing her was too easy. He wanted to make her suffer for what she had done. "Yes," Heero purred dangerously, "that is too easy. Do you have any suggestions Trowa?"

Relena was so happy. She was going to marry Heero today! She was dismayed that his tuxedo had been ruined the day before, but she had the tailors working through the night to replace it. Relena watched the people crowd into the church on television. Her wedding was one of the biggest events of the millennium and all the news stations were there to cover every second of it.

Out of the crowd of people she was shocked and annoyed to see the four other Gundam Pilots making their way into the church. What were they doing there? She had just managed to get Heero out of their clutches. They had no right to be at her wedding. She stomped her foot and was about to call security when a more evil thought struck her. Let them stay. They could watch as she claimed their beloved Heero as her own. She chuckled to herself as the servants continued to prepare her for her big moment.

Duo sat dejectedly in the church. Why had Trowa and Wufei insisted on dragging him to Heero's wedding? They had told him that it was a secret, but that he would enjoy it. He didn't see how he was supposed to enjoy seeing one of the loves of his life marry another person. And Relena no less. He sniffled at the thought and Quatre handed him one of his delicate white hankies. Quatre had a whole stack full sitting on his knee seeing as he was still depressed too and well, weddings always made him cry.

Wufei put his arm around Duo and kissed him on the cheek. "Don't cry, you'll see that there is really nothing to worry about," Wufei reassured, but Duo was still highly skeptical. On his other side Trowa was whispering something similar to Quatre and kissed him as well. They got a few disapproving glares from some of the wedding's high society guests, but one glare from Wufei made them look away in fear.

The organ music started and Quatre broke into fresh sniffles. They all turned to look as Heero walked up the isle alone. He had no best men, just himself. A conspiratorial look passed between himself, Wufei, and Trowa. Then the bride's maids made there way down the aisle. A grinning Dorothy was the maid of honor. The rest of Relena's little fan club made up her bride's maids.

Finally Relena herself began to walk up the isle. She was unescorted. Rumor had it that her brother and his wife had refused to show up at the wedding let alone escort her down the aisle. Never the less, she held her head high as she walked down the isle towards Heero. The four Gundam Pilots sent her evil looks, but she ignored them and kept right on walking, unfazed. She walked up to the altar like the queen she was and the ceremony began.

As the priest began to speak Duo drowned out the their words. He shut his eyes tightly, fighting off the tears. Wufei's arm tightened around him, reminding him that even when Heero did marry Relena he still had three other people who loved him. He rested his head on Wufei's shoulder. He sent his hand out questing and it was gripped by Quatre's slightly smaller hand. Trowa covered their clasped hands with his own, squeezing them reassuringly. Fanciful thoughts of protesting the wedding, when the priest ceremoniously asked his question ran through Duo's mind. But as it turned out they never made it that far into the ceremony.

When Heero was asked if he took Relena for his lawfully wedded wife Heero said no. The church broke out into a crashing wave of whispers. Cameras flashed catching Relena's dumbfounded expression. Relena looked at Heero in confusion.

"Uh, why not?" asked the priest also disconcerted.

"Because Relena is not a woman, therefore I cannot take her for my wife." Heero said calmly.

"What?" Duo and Quatre cried astonished.

More murmurs ran through the church. "I don't suppose you'd care to explain," the priest asked.

"Certainly," Heero said with a nod. "Three days ago, I received mission orders stating that I must marry Relena Peacecraft in order to protect her and keep her safe. After double checking the orders numerous times, I was forced to leave a previous commitment in order to propose to Relena. Yesterday, part of that previous commitment paid me a visit and pointed out that the mission orders were indeed fake. They were fabricated by Relena in order to trap me into a marriage I did not want. Soon after Milliardo and Lucrezia Peacecraft contacted me soon after with some interesting news. Milliardo informed me that Relena Peacecraft is not the woman she claims to be. Rather she is a man. His real name is Renaldo Peacecraft, the third child of the Peacecraft family. Relena Peacecraft was killed during the takeover of the Sank Kingdom and Renaldo in his grief took on her identity." Heero declared.

At this point Relena or Renaldo rather, was looking quite pale. Duo and Quatre were staring on in amazement with the rest of the church and Wufei and Trowa were stifling their laughter. The news hounds were silently recording the shocking revelation. Families across the world who had gathered together to view the joyous event were stunned. Everyone but Heero, Towa and Wufei were reacting with surprise.

"If I wanted to marry a woman, I would have taken a woman as my lover. If I wanted to marry a man, I would have proposed to my long-time lovers," Heero stated.

"Lovers," the priest murmured stupefied.

"Yes, lovers," Heero nodded to Trowa and Wufei who stood up and pulled Duo and Quatre up with them. They began walking up the aisle when Heero smiled at them. Duo and Quatre broke into a run and threw themselves into Heero's arms. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Heero whispered to them as they let loose fresh streams of tears on his shoulders. Towa and Wufei came up and joined the embrace while the world looked on.

The priest coughed nervously. "You've got a regular harem, there, young man," he mumbled slightly amused.

"But, but, but Heero!" Relena/Renaldo began.

"No buts, I love them, not you," Heero said fiercely.

"Fine then," Relena/Renaldo said stomping her/his foot. "Now the whole universe will see how perverted you really are!" she/he declared.

"Most people aren't fortunate enough to find love in this life. I found it four times! I think that is something to be happy about and I don't care if everybody knows it. I don't care if anybody approves of it. All I care about is that I have found love and I intend to keep it, and no missions, queens, or boys in drag are going to stop me!" Heero proclaimed.

"Here, here!" the priest murmured as the church thundered with applause. A few of the more higher society guests had gotten up and walked out, but nobody missed them.

Heero stepped back slightly from his lovers. He drew a long box from his pocket. Trowa and Wufei finally looked surprised as Heero got down on one knee and flipped open the box. Inside on a bed of black velvet lay five rings. Each ring had five bands of metal woven into one. There was a band of gold, silver, platinum, copper, and Gundanium. The four boys stared at the box in awe. "Will you marry me?" Heero asked them.

Relena/Renaldo moved forward as if to say something, but Dorothy and the bride's maids quickly clamped a hand over her/his mouth and dragged her/him away. The rest of the church waited breathlessly for the four boys' answers. The four turned and looked at each other before all turning back to Heero and calling in unison, "Yes!"

The church exploded into cheers and applause. Heero grinned like a fool as he slid a ring on each of his beloved's fingers. They in return put the last ring on him.

The priest coughed catching their attention. "Would you like me to perform some sort of ceremony?" he inquired.

"You can do that? A multiple male marriage?" Duo asked incredulously.

"I don't see why not! There's a first time for everything and this would definitely be a first! You all want to marry the others right?"

"Yes! Please!" Duo said with a happy grin.

And so the five former Gundam pilots had one of the biggest, most controversial weddings in human history. Some people were outraged, many rejoiced, but none were as happy as the five pilots themselves.

Hmm well, what did you thinkg? I may or may do a honeymoon scene, but not anytime in the near future.