The Hardest Thing

A Gundam Wing songfic

By: Missfortune

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Gundam Wing. Unfortunately someone else does. I'm just playing with them for a while. But I have the feeling that after this fic they'll run home screaming.

Warning: this contains references to a male/male relationship. you don't like it go away.

Note: I heard this song and I knew I had to write a fic for it I really don't like Relena all that much but the song fits. The Song is The Hardest Thing by 98°

We both know that I shouldn't be here

This is wrong

And baby it's killing me, it's killing you

Both of us tryin' to be strong

I've got somewhere else to be

Promises to keep

Someone else who loves me

And trusts me fast asleep

I look at him and I know that he knows. There's sadness in those eyes as if he always knew, and yet he still held onto the hope that maybe, just maybe he could keep me. He's still holding his smile though. He's trying to be strong, but I can see that strength is failing him. We both know that I shouldn't be here. I made a promise to someone else. We both know that I should be with her. She loves me so much and she trusts me with her life.

I've made up my mind There is no turning back She's been good to me And she deserves better than that My mind is already made up though. I can't go back on this mission. She has been wonderful and I can't do that to her. Ah Relena, you've finally gotten me trapped. You finally got your way Miss Queen of the World, but I am not bitter. No I am very happy. I just have one regret. Duo.

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion

When you start to cry

It's so hard though to look into his beautiful violet eyes, so full of love. But I have to do it for her. A vision of honey blonde hair and sky blue eyes superimposed over an equally lovely vision of chestnut locks and violet eyes. It's so hard. But I pull the Perfect Soldier around me like armor and look him in the eyes. I see him flinch. He knows what's coming but there is still that tiny glimmer of hope. So beautiful, and I have to crush it. 'Duo' I say. 'Yes, Heero?' 'I'm sorry but I don't love you. I'm in love with Relena.'

His smile falters. His eyes become overly bright. I can see his internal struggle. He looks into my eyes searching. But I hide my feelings for him behind my mask. He is still searching but I can tell that his hope is slowly dying as he fails to find what he's looking for. As that little light is finally snuffed out the tears begin to spill down his cheeks. I have to reign myself in harshly to keep from comforting him. It hurts so much to do this to him. But I'm doing it for her. Just remember Relena.

I can't let you see

What you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free

We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away

Pretending I don't love you

He is huddled on the bed sobbing and I can feel my mask beginning to crack. I'm so sorry Duo I can't be with two people. I love you both but she comes first. She'll always come first. So you see my hands are tied. Since that first time I looked upon her my heart was hers. You and I were just not meant to be. But even though she holds my heart there will always be a little space in it for you. Now comes the even harder part. To turn around and walk out of this room, out of this place. Go back home to where she is waiting for me. I tell my body to move, but it will not obey my commands. It still wants to reach out to Duo. But I can't. So with a great amount of effort, I turn and walk out the door.

I know that we'll meet again

Fate has a place and time

So you can get on with your life

I've got to be cruel to be kind

Like Dr. Zhivago

All my love I'll be sending

And you will never know

'Cause there can be no happy ending

I know that we will meet again. That is for certain and I hope by then you will have found somebody to love you. Someone that can give you what I cannot. I hope I didn't hurt you too bad. I've got to hurt you to save you though. I hope that someday you will understand. Until then that little piece of my heart that is yours will keep on loving you in secret. You'll never now how much you really mean to me. But this is not a fairy tale. We can't live happily ever after.

Maybe another time, another day

As much as I want to, I can't stay

I've made up my mind

There is no turning back

She's been good to me

And she deserves better than that

Maybe in another time another place we could have had something wonderful but all we have is the here and now. As much as I want to stay and comfort you there I can't. Even if I did stay, her shadow would come between us eventually. My mind is made up. It was made up when I first walked into this room but that doesn't make it any easier. I can't turn back. Either way I hurt somebody. But I can't hurt her. It's a sacrifice I must make. I'm sorry Duo. I love you though. More than you'll ever know.

I walk into the bedroom and look down at the peacefully sleeping figure and sigh. Relena you may never know how much I love you either. You'll never know what I gave up for you. I love you that much. I look down at her sleeping so peacefully and I know that someone else will not be sleeping so peacefully tonight. He probably won't be happy for a long time to come. But I know I did the right thing when I slip into the bed and she cuddles up next to me. 'Heero' she murmurs sleepily and she rest her head in the crook of my shoulder. I lay a soft kiss on her hair and settle down to sleep. I did the hardest thing in my life tonight. Harder than any war. I broke a heart and I am tired. I just want to sleep.

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing I

'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion

When you start to cry

I can't let you see

What you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free

We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away

Pretending I don't love you

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