I'm a doll
By: Eternal_Ukyou


	When you look at me, what do you see? Soft red hair, glittering green eyes? What else do you see? Hatred? Of course you do, everyone does. That's who I am, that's who I was made to be. Humans could never love me because I am not real. They hate what they fear, and they fear me. Don't you?

	It's dark right now, I'm supposed to be asleep, but I don't feel very tired. Feel. That's funny a word. Can I really feel at all?
	I clench and unclench my fist, watching the creases in my hands. What am I supposed to be? A girl, or a tool? How do I know? 
	Today I don't feel very well, so I'll go for a walk through the red light district, just for fun. Just to see how many times I can get shot.
	I pick up my coat and I start walking. 
	It's cold tonight, my flesh crawls with goose bump, and my nipples perk up under my thin blouse.
	Why am I so real?
	I keep my head down while I walk so no one can see what I am, so no one can sneer at me because I'm not like them. 
	Maybe keeping my head down wasn't such a bad idea, I only got shot once, and no one talked to me. I was glad. I'd rather be ignored than hated. So I turn the corner to head back to where I'm staying when I run smack into someone. I look up.
	Tall and handsome, with a broad chest, and short brown hair. He looked human because his eyes did not sparkle with the metal like mine do.
	"Oh, I'm sorry." He says kindly, and smiles at me. I stand dumbfounded for a moment, but I can not find the words to reply. "I'm sorry, " He says to me again. "Did I say something wrong?" I can only shake my head, in wide eyed wonder.
	"D-don't you know what I am?" I ask him, very unsure what else to say.
	"A very beautiful lady, that's all I need to know." He smiles at me again, like he doesn't know. He must be new here. We don't get many tourist here anymore, especially on this side of town.
	"You don't think I'm a hooker do you?" I looked at him side long. I was wearing way to much clothes for that. He only smiled at me and shakes his head.
	"No." He says. "Believe it or not my parent raised me right. As rare as that is now a days. " He seems kind enough to me, maybe I'm just gullible. Oh well.
	" Come on," I say, taking his hands. "Let's go get something to eat." He does not protest, but offers to pay. I take him to my favorite noodle place, and we sit down. This is a clean restaurant, run by humans. They know me, but none here are rude. I am glad because the longer I can keep my secret from this man, the better. His name is Lance, and he's a police officer just off world. He says his job is robot control. I try not to gasp. But then, I ask him if he hates robots. He says yes. I stand up, slam my hands on the table and walk out. That was enough for me. 
	I don't understand people, I'm glad I'm not one. They're closed minded jackasses. They fear us because where smarter, quicker, stronger. We're everything they have to work at, everything they can never be. Perfect.
	It's been a few minutes, he should have come after me by now, if he's going to come at all. Then he'll ask me what he said wrong and I'll blow him off, like I don't know him. That's the way it works with me. I don't have a heart to be nice with. I have a spinning wheel, and there no emotion in it, I'll tell you that.
	And of course, there's Lance, running up behind me.
	"I'm sorry." He says to me right away. "I didn't know you where so compassionate about robots." I stop and turn. I look him dead in his sky blue eyes, I'm ready to shout. 'I am a robot', but those eyes. They grab me and steal the word from my throat, the breath from my lungs.
 Oh       my       god. 
Those are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in all my existence.
	"It's-it's alright." Is all I can manage.  My vocal cord won't respond past that. 
	"Good." He says with a smile. "We've gotten off to a rocky start and I don't even know your name yet." I stop, I don't have a name, but I can't tell him that. Robots aren't given the privilege of names until they mate with a human male. I had always dreamed of having the name Tenshi, so I told him that was my name. He grins, and told me Tenshi meant Angel. I nodded and told him I knew that. I had only picked Tenshi, because I did not know the word for goddess. 
	He invites me over to his place, he said we'd just order out, and we could just hang out together for the evening. 
	We took a sky cab back to his flat. A tiny little thing off Baxster street. But it was clean, and well kept. And had two bed on opposite side of the room.  We sit for a long while, on the soft carpet and shoot the shit till pizza shows up. Then we eat. Well, move over, he eats, I nibbled. I'm not a big food fan at all. I don't need to eat so I try not to unless it's ramen, that a whole different story.
	"What wrong?" He asks.
	"I'm just not very hungry." I lie to him. He doesn't buy it.
	"I bet you think I haven't figured you out yet, huh?" I stop and look at him, his warm smile, and beckoning eyes.
	"What do you mean?"
	"I know what you are…" I felt myself intake my breath to quickly, he sees. "But I don't care. It must be hard to be a robot. It bothers you doesn't it?"
	"Course it does! If you were me wouldn't it bother you too?" I nearly explode, but I hold myself back..
	"I always thought about how hard it must be. I mean, I bust kids like you everyday. I can't imagine being one."
	"Think of it this way. Your a doll, and all the world can see it. Your a monstrous doll created by humans, but hated by them. It's as if living with your god hating you, looming over you constantly saying your a product of the devil when you didn't even ask to be brought into the world. I didn't ask for this! I didn't ask to be made, but still I had no choice. Look at me, really. Even my nipples come up when I cold, I'm that realistic. But inside, I'm steel and grease. I don't have a heart to feel with, but a chip that makes me 'feel'. I can walk and talk, and laugh, and I can cry… but I'm still just a doll! A horrible, useless doll!" I don't why I just said that. I guess it was those eyes, he looks at me, and they fill with sadness. I turn away. " You don't have to pity me. I've learned to deal with it. I don't need sympathy from no one, especially a robot killer!" He tries to come near me I push him away. 
	"Tenshi…" 
	"That's not my name! I don't have a name yet!" I'm crying now, I just can't stop myself. "I'm nothing! But I can't die! No matter how many times I try to think of a way to pull my gear boxes out. I can't die." I sit back down, and pull my knees to my chest. "We're not allowed to die, but we're allowed to live with this endless torment. They hate us because we're 'alive'. But they won't let us die. They won't let us disappear, so we're just useless, hated, dolls. I'm a doll and I hate it. I hate everything and everyone... and more so, I hate myself…" I feel his arms around my shoulders, he's holding me. Why is he holding me? He's a robot killer, he's on of them! One of those people I hate. "Get off." I say. He dose not let go, but holds me tighter in his embrace. His hands are firm, his arms and gentle, yet solid, I could not escape, even if I wanted to. But I don't. I've never been held like this before, never felt the warmth of a human on me like this. It's… pleasant. Very pleasant. I understand now. Everything I've read about in books, this is what it feel like. 
	He so very warm. His hand in on my bare neck, I do not protest. I am to enthralled in the sensations that are washing over me in slow waves. I drowned in them. I drowned in him.
	"I'll give you a name." He says to me sweetly, his hands moving to unbutton my blouse. I reach my hands up to guide his, then I stop.
	"No!" I yell at him. "Get off of me." I fall out of his arms and crawl, clumsily, to the other side of the room. He looks at me, as if to ask me 'what's wrong?' "I'm not letting some dumb robot killer touch me! I'd rather be nameless then let you give me one, murder!." I yell at him, anger, and confusion rising in me. 
	"I don't understand…?" He gets to his feet and walks toward me.
	"Of course you don't! Stay there! don't come any closer or I'll…" I yell at him stuffing my hands in to my pockets, fumbling for my gun.
	"Please, give me a chance. I promise I won't-" I got it, I pull my gun from his pocket and shoot once. It whizzes by his arms, and he stops.
	"Stay back or I'm blow you head off, bone bag! You can't kill me!" leaning against the wall I get to my feet.
	"Please don't make me hurt you." He keeps coming closer. He reaches in his pocket. Not for a gun, if he's a robot killer he smarter than that. An EMP rifle. The only thing that can stop a robot.
	"Get away from me! Get away from me!" My hand are shaking as I grip the gun. "Get back! Get back or I'll sh-shoot you! Don't you believe me?!"
	"You've never killed anyone before have you?" He knows, he can see me with those eyes, he can see inside of me.  It's because he's a killer, a killer can read a robots eyes. He knew I was a robot all along, he could read it, my every thought. 
	"I'll shoot your eyes out! GET AWAY FROM ME!" I shrike and fire two more wild shots. One hits the window and shatters it, the other hit is chest, but he dose no more than flinch.
	"You don't think they send a human did you?" He grins with evil intentions. The kindness entirely gone from his body..

	"Your not…!" I gasp and step back against the wall. "No! No, your not like me! You can't be! How could you go against us like this! Your one of us! Your one of us!"
	"I'll never be like you, weak and lost. They said if I killed you all I could have a real body. I could be real." His hand reach out toward me, his fingers shaking with blood lust-er- grease lust. As if to strangle me.
	He knows. He knows the only other way to kill me. There no way to escape, no where to hide. I have to fight. Before he can grasp me I jump at him, and drive my elbow into his neck. He stumbles back, and bear hugs me, we topple to the ground. I'm on top now. I grab him by the collar of his trench coat and drive my fist in to his face with my 'super-human' strength. Sparks fly from where his nose was, it's now a crushed mass of half exposed metal. I grab the edge of the skin and pull it clean off his face. He screams as the light touches him, and his hands fly over the exposed circuitry.
	"You'll pay for that." He tries to push me off but I refuse to let up. I pound on his chest. In a fast rhythm. One after another. I can feel the chest plate cracking, giving way.
	Some how he breaks free and wraps his hands around my neck.. I still reach for his chest but I am flying through the air. I feel a cool rush on my bare neck, as my hair falls in my eyes.  It feels nice. Probably the last nice thing I would ever feel.
	He come at me again, running at me. I try to pick my self off the floor, but I slip, and still he comes. I have no choice. I roll to the side and he crashes into the wall. For a frantic moment I have a chance. I look around. The door, it's too far, I'll never make it. But, the window. The windows broke! I scramble to my feet slipping as I run. He turns and see where I am headed.
	"No you don't!" It's to late I am already mounting the window still. I squat there as he comes nearer, like a cat, I smile feeling as if I've cheated death and myself at the same time.
	"Check ya!" Just as he reaches for me I let go and fall backward into the night sky. He nearly falls out he window too, but grabs hold to watch me fall.
	I feel as if I'm flying, the wind rushing at me. I fall slowly. The building rise high above, they swallow me and I close me eyes. I know I will land at the bottom on a underground night club, of the far below street. But I will not die. I'm not allowed. 
	Because I'm just a doll.
	The sky swallows me, and I reach into my pocket and smile.
	Lances's EMP gun. I wonder if I should kill myself. Instead I let it slip from my fingers, and I smiled. Because I am 'alive'. Because I am a doll. And will be forever.
	And the sky is very beautiful.