SSJ Upside Yo Head 
author: FireCracker       KLee624820@aol.com 
(Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) 
Pairing G/V 
A/U - Interview with Goku and Vegeta 



"Hello. We're in the studio today with two famous characters from the well 
known series, Dragonball Z. My name is Mary Sue Fictionary, and I am your 
host. Everyone welcome our favorite monkeys!" 

(Audience claps as Goku and Vegeta wave and walk across stage. Tacky Vegas 
style music blares in the background). 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Be seated, gentlemen." 

The Saiyans make themselves comfortable. Vegeta has a pained expression and 
glares at the crowd. Goku gives a big grin. 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "The topic of tonight will be Saiyan power levels and 
customs-" 

Vegeta (scowling): "Don't call us monkeys." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "But why not? Aren't Saiyans a form of were-monkey?" 

Goku: "We don't do that bit anymore. Besides, who wants to be a big smelly 
ape with no life?" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "But isn't that Oozaru form supposed to be powerful?" 

Goku: (snorts) "So what? All you do is stomp around and scream. Hell, I 
couldn't even control _my_ Oozaru form. But Vegeta could" (he points). 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Is this true?" 

Vegeta: "Of course. I trained in that form from childhood. Royalty had unique 
regimens that allowed them to control all aspects of their power." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "So that's why Goku couldn't?" 

Vegeta: (folds his arms) "The mongrel class receives no such advantage." 

Goku: (angry) "You calling me a mongrel, Vegeta? Don't make me hurt you!" 

Audience: "OOOOoo!!" (someone yells 'Bitch slap coming up!' in the back) 

Vegeta: (smug) "You aren't really mad at me, Kakarot. You know I just say 
that...to get you all hot" (touches his knee). 

Goku: (looks his Prince over slowly). 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Uh, gentlemen?" 

(Audience whoops again. Someone near fire exit yells "OH MY GOD!!') 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Ah, well, gentlemen. I think we'd better go to 
commercial break..." (the two saiyans just stare at each other) 

Goku: "Good! We'll have just enough time" (Vegeta motions him backstage, 
grabs his hand. They leave in a hurry). 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (pulls her collar nervously) "COMMERCIAL BREAK!!" 

**** 

Tacky Vegas music chimes again. Crowd claps at cue cards. 

Mary Sue Fictionary:"Okay, we're back with our guests. Gentlemen, is 
everything okay?" 

Vegeta: (he has a glow on)  "Just fine, woman. Get on with your interview." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "You two certainly look...refreshed." 

Audience: (giggles, lewd innuendo.) 

Vegeta: (balls fist at crowd) "Shut up or I'll burn you down!" 

(Audience goes immediately silent) 

Goku: (annoyed) "Can we get on with this? Saving the universe is a full time 
job!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Sorry. Now, tell the audience about Saiyan power 
levels. I understand you can both achieve Super Saiyan?" 

Vegeta: "True. However, Kakarot did it first." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "You're okay with that?" 

Vegeta: "Not at first. Of course, our situation was different at the time." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "What situation?" 

Goku: "We weren't on the best of terms." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Yes, we remember how you two were always fighting." 

Goku: "Sparks flew." 

Vegeta: "Don't tell them about that." 

(Someone in back hollers 'There's a thin line, baby!!') 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "So how many levels are there?" 

Goku: "Three, actually. The fourth doesn't really count, that was another 
series." 

Vegeta: "Some creative people got carried away." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "But what's all this about the SSJ 4 and SSJ5 Goku?" 

Goku: (rolls eyes) "The SSJ5 Dragon God stuff is bullshit. Made up." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "You've seen the depiction, then?" 

Vegeta: "Unfortuneately yes. A genuine eyesore." 

Goku: "I looked like an oversized Elf with a bad bleach job. I mean, come on! 
A _Saiyan_ with platinum hair down to his feet?! Geez, what do they think I 
am, anyway? Boy Sailor Moon?!" 

Vegeta: "Excessive, to say the least. As ridiculous as the SSJ4 mode..." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Now tell us about that. Your appearance is dramatically 
different." 

Goku: "To say the least. They can have that SSJ4 stuff, too. I don't even 
recognize myself!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "But you're so powerful..." 

Goku: "With all that stinky hair I guess so..." 

(Audience laughs) 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (giggles) "That wasn't what I meant. But why the radical 
departure from Dragonball Z?" 

Vegeta: "Different creative people. I guess they wanted us to wear fur 
costumes with wigs and wild contact lenses." 

Goku: (shudders) "It takes hours to put all that junk on. And for what? Why 
couldn't they leave well enough alone?!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "I suppose...I did hear that series didn't do as well." 

Vegeta: (snorts) "They messed us up. What good is power if you look bad? The 
Prince of Saiyans is always stylish." 

(Someone in back yells, 'Come home with me, baby!!') 

Vegeta: "Besides, we already possess power you cretins can only dream of." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Ah, yes" (rolls eyes). "What about the other forms of 
power?" 

Goku: "Well, I'm not really all that crazy about the SSJ3 mode either." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Because it wastes too much power?" 

Goku: (thoughtful) "Well, that and the fact it makes you look like a 
Troglodyte." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "But you're still golden!" 

Goku: (shrugs) "The gold part is okay. But who wants a swollen forehead with 
no eyebrows? It makes you look like a brute!" 

Vegeta: "Not to mention all that hair...I've broken fifty combs already! And 
one shampoo takes twenty five bottles!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "You guys have it rough." 

Goku: "Saving the universe is serious buisness." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "On the subject of erotic fanfiction...what are your 
opinions?" 

Vegeta: "It doesn't bother me. Let the peons know what they can't have." 

(Someone in audience yells 'arrogant asshole!' Vegeta fries them with a ki 
blast. Audience collapses into terrified silence). 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (shocked) "You just killed a man!!" 

Goku: (points at pile of ash) "He was angry. My Prince has a hot temper." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (lifts eyebrow) "Your Prince?" 

Goku: (covers mouth) "Oops." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "You have something to hide!" 

Vegeta: "Only in plain sight, woman." 

(Someone in back yells 'Booty call in Boys Town!') 

Vegeta: (eyes audience with disdain) "The rabble is out of control." 

(Camera zooms in on the Saiyans. Crowd whoops in anticipation.) 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Do you have anything to declare? Our audience wants all 
the spicy details!" 

Goku: (dully) "Saving the universe is serious buisness." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (taps hand impatiently) "You said that already." 

Goku: (gives dopey grin) "I know. Heroes are supposed to repeat themselves a 
lot. It gives them _character._" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "I see-" 

Goku: "We always have slogans we shout in battle. It makes us sound more 
impressive. I remember one they wanted us to do but it was _soooo_ corny..." 

Vegeta: (rolls eyes) "Terrible indeed. No self respecting Saiyan would use 
that." 

Mary Sue Fictionary:"That bad, huh?" 

Goku: (poses as if he's going to do a Kamehameha) "I go like this, see. Then, 
when I'm about to blast an enemy I'm supposed to yell..." 

"SUPER SAIYAN POWERRRRRRR!!!!" 

(Audience cries out and groans.) 

Vegeta: (shakes head) "Isn't that awful?" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (pained)  "Agreed. I think one week of that would get 
you cancelled." 

Goku: (reseats himself) "That's why we went on strike until they dumped it. 
Saiyans have pride, you know?" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "I've noticed. Some might call you arrogant." 

Vegeta: (waves a dismissal) "We have a right to be arrogant." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Now just a minute-" 

(crowd gets ugly, shouts obscenities) 

Goku: "Well, we _are_ a warrior race. Fighting is in our blood." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Remarks like that will get you both! Let's be civil 
here." 

Goku: "I'd rather fight. That's what I'm best at, and everyone knows it." 

(Someone in the back hollers 'Bet you're good in the sack, baby!') 

Vegeta: (points in direction of heckler) "I heard that, human!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Don't fry him! If you kill anyone else our ratings are 
shot!" 

Vegeta: (lowers hand) "Bah. That simpleton isn't worth my time. He'll never 
know what it's like-" 

Audience: "OOOOO!!!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (curious) "What do you mean?" 

(Camera zooms in on Vegeta.) 

Vegeta: "Nothing. Let's get back to the subject of character assasination." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (suspicious) "Hmm. Before this show is over we're going 
to get at the truth. Our audience wants to know!" 

Goku: "We were talking about erotic fanfiction. By the way miss, your name 
seems familiar to me." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Oh, well you could call me the diva of writing. But 
that's just a side hobby. What do you think of how you're portrayed?" 

Goku: "Well, the biggest problem I have is the series itself. I mean, one 
minute they have me acting like a complete clown and the next I'm this 
serious warrior that nobody messes with. They even draw me like I'm two 
different people sometimes." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "I noticed that." 

Goku: "It pisses me off that I'm written up as stupid. Was I _ever_ stupid on 
the show? Hell no, I was just easygoing. I don't have to be ass tight like 
Vegeta-" 

Vegeta: (sideways look) "Don't go there." 

Audience: "OOEEEOOO!!" 

Goku: "And does anyone with intelligence believe that falling on your head 
would make you an idiot? I mean, come on! Kids have accidents all the time!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "True. What about you, Vegeta?" 

Vegeta: "I've always got to be uptight. Can't they ever have me relax and let 
my hair down?" 

Goku: (shakes head) "Nah, you're a Saiyan. It can't be done." 

Vegeta: "And I always have to sneer or scowl. Damn, my face gets so tired 
sometimes! And when I'm not sneering I'm screaming like a lunatic." 

(Someone shouts 'Oh, you're a screamer!') 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "You had a hard time relating to people?" 

Vegeta: "Only those who couldn't understand me. Like everyone, except for 
Kakarot." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "And why is that?" 

Vegeta: "We're the only full blooded Saiyans on the show." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "What's blood got to do with it?" 

Vegeta: "In fiction, everything. Blood is very erotic." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "I see-" 

Goku: (flexes for the crowd) "We have great bodies, too. It's a very useful 
advantage." 

(Audience whoops. People blow kisses. Woman yells 'You go, Goku!!') 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (squeezes Goku's bicep) "I would have to agree. That 
definitely is a plus in fiction stories." 

Goku: "Of course. Would anyone want to read about us if we were big slobs 
with guts and flabby asses?" 

Vegeta: "Or equally as bad, pencil necks with stick bodies and no asses at 
all?" 

(Audience rocks.) 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (blushes) "Well-" 

Vegeta: "Could you image trying to write a sexy story about fat blobs and 
skinny geeks?" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "I'd rather not. It would be a nightmare." 

Goku: (winks) "Now you're catching on!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Both of you must be a hit with the ladies." 

Vegeta: "Of course. And not just with the ladies-" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (shocked) "You mean...men too?" 

(Audience howls. Off to the side someone screams 'It's a coming out party!') 

Vegeta: (nods) "But the dynamics for both of us are different." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "How so?" 

Vegeta: (points at Goku) "In fiction, _everyone_ wants Goku. But I am a 
Prince, and can get anyone _I_ want. Others want me but fear me." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Really? And Goku?" 

Goku: (shrugs indifferently) "It's true. Everyone wants to jump my bones." 

(Audience roars. Janitor in the rear swings his mop, yelling 'A-TRAIN!!!') 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (blinks) "Are you serious, Goku? _Everyone?!_" 

Goku: (counts on fingers) "Let's see...I've been paired with Yamcha, Piccolo, 
Vegeta, Krillin, Tien, the Clown (I forget his name), and even my own sons! 
Oh yeah, and my wife Chi Chi." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Amazing." 

Goku: "Yeah, I've hopped in the sack with just about everyone except King 
Kai, Popo and Master Roshi." 

Vegeta: "Ugh. Too much squick." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Agreed! And you say people fear you, Vegeta-" 

Vegeta: "They all worship my looks from afar but fear my power. To them I am 
unattainable. When I favor them they fall at my feet." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "You hooked up with Bulma." 

Vegeta: "It's amazing what writers can do. They took a poisonous and cold 
relationship and created a love lost pair. There was absolutely nothing in 
the series that even suggested we'd be close. I hated the script anyway. The 
whole relationship was so damned forced and fake." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "But you had children together!" 

Vegeta: "I wanted kids and she put out. I can't help it if the stupid woman 
has no self esteem." 

Goku: "Don't be obnoxious." 

Vegeta: "I can't help it. I'm supposed to be." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "So this was another plot device?" 

Vegeta: "Of course. Our relationship consisted of contempt, screaming, and 
sex. That's supposed to be an environment for a famliy?" 

Goku: "Dragonball was pretty insulting to women, anyway." 

(Woman in back of audience yells out 'You got that right!!') 

Goku: "I mean, look at my wife. Nice looking lady, and she acts like a child. 
Screams all the time and overreacts to every stupid thing." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "It was a bit much to take sometimes." 

Goku: "Imagine what it's like for me, I live with her. She treats me like a 
child and only seems to panic when something happens to Gohan. Like in the 
Cell storyline, after I got blown up with that green freak. Did she ask about 
me? Hell no! All she did was look in that crystal ball and scream about her 
precious Gohan. Like, I'm her husband. What about me?!!" 

(Woman in back yells, 'I hear ya, baby!') 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "I understand your frustration." 

Goku: (angry now) "She said she didn't want her precious Gohan to be a muscle 
bound moron and grow up in the woods. What's wrong with growing up in the 
woods? She implied that I was a stupid brute. Bull! I turned out just fine! I 
never said he shouldn't be in school-" 

Vegeta: (puts hand on his knee) "You're getting worked up, Kakarot." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Perhaps this is a good time for a commercial break." 

Goku: (huffs) "Who cares." 

Fadeout. 

**** 

Canned music blares once more. Audience claps like puppets at cuecards. 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "And we're back for this second segment of our show. The 
topic got hot when pairings were mentioned in fan fiction." 

Goku: (still angry) "Maybe Chi Chi should have married Gohan since he's so 
damned precious to her!" 

Vegeta: "Let it go, she doesn't matter anymore." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Oh? Is this another hint?" (she motions the cameras for 
another zoom) 

Vegeta: "I wish you'd stop that. I merely stated the obvious." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Why is he still so angry?" 

Vegeta: "It's his Saiyan blood. It runs hot." 

(Audience whoops again.) 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "You both made excellent points about the female 
characters." 

Goku: (calming down) "They're either screaming bitches, bouncy sluts or 
airheaded and silly. Why even bother to have women on the show for crying out 
loud!" 

Vegeta: "I've yet to figure out who they appeal to, or what the message is." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "There may be no message. Maybe they don't care." 

Goku: (sighs dreamily) "It's enough to make you turn..." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Woah! What was that?" 

Goku: "Nothing. I misspoke. Ignore it." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Vegeta, what's he talking about?" 

Vegeta: (smirks) "Look at the ridiculous choices of women on the show. What 
do you think? Would any man in his right mind even deal with them, much less 
spend their lives together?" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Hmm. Gentlemen, have you ever heard of Yaoi?" 

Goku: "Who's he?" 

Vegeta: "Damn." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "You don't understand. It's a form of fan fiction where 
all the guys get together-" 

(The Saiyan's eyes grow wide.) 

"OH." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Something I said?" 

(they shrug.) 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Gentlemen, are you clamming up on me?" 

Vegeta: "Not at all. You didn't ask us anything." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "What's your opinion on how writers represent you in 
yaoi?" 

Goku: "We do really well, from what I've seen." 

Vegeta: "Agreed." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Do you have any preferences in terms of pairings?" 

Goku: "I don't know if we should answer that-" 

Vegeta: "If we don't we'll be here all night. And I've got other things in 
mind-" 

Goku: "Ssh!!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (coughs) "Are we interrupting anything?" 

"NO!!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Touchy. What are your favorite pairings? Goku, you go 
first." 

Goku: (sighs) "Well...Yamcha might be nice. Tien would be a good change of 
pace." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Anyone else?" 

Goku: "Can't think of any." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "What about you, Vegeta?" 

Vegeta: "Off hand I would say Tien, Yamcha and Piccolo in no particular 
order." 

Goku: "The Namek? You'd sleep with a freaking NAMEK??" 

Vegeta: "It was just a question!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Boys, boys, don't fight." 

(in unison) "WHO'S FIGHTING?!" 

(Audience howls with laughter.) 

Vegeta: (grins a little) "It's always better when we fight first." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Wait a minute. What happens after you fight?" 

Goku: "The wild thing. We practically kill each other before we make love. 
Then we kill each other _while_ we make love!" 

(Audience out of control. Security drags out dozens of people.) 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Everyone's getting a little crazy...is this a common 
theme in fiction for you two?" 

Goku: "That and rape. I'm so damned sick of rape. Can't anyone ever just 
_ask_ for it?" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "It _is_ an act of violence..." 

Vegeta: "I don't understand people with that. One other thing  pisses me off. 
Male pregnancy. I mean, what's the deal?!" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "It certainly is different...who usually gets pregnant?" 

Goku: "It's about fifty fifty. Writers can't make up their minds." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Amazing." 

Goku: "In Dragonball, it seems as if everyone wants to reproduce in bizarre 
ways. I suppose next a baby will grow on my toenail." 

Vegeta: "I dropped fifty babies one time.  Do you know how tough it is to 
raise fifty babies at once?!" 

Goku: "And I had to come up with the names. You could go broke buying milk 
and diapers!" 

(Audience groans). 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (in disbelief) "That's crazy." 

Goku: "Vegeta laid eggs too. By accident I cooked them for breakfast." 

Vegeta: "Call it a different form of birth control." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "That's...really out there. Anything else about how 
you're represented?" 

Goku: "Well, we Saiyans live a long time, so we don't age or get gray hair." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Cool. You guys have hair most people would die for. 
It's so thick." 

Vegeta: "Yeah, but you'd better like whatever style it's in, because you're 
stuck with it your whole life." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Why don't you just comb it or something? Or try braids?" 

Goku: "It won't work. Trust us. It's a Saiyan thing and you wouldn't 
understand." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "You're right, I don't. But one final question before we 
close out tonight. You've dropped hints of a relationship between you two..." 

Goku: "Have we? I don't remember. I'm kinda spacey, you know." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "I noticed. You seem a little schizophrenic." 

Goku: "I told you its that damned tv show. They make me look like a coke 
sniffer sometimes." 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Yes, but you haven't answered the question that's been 
burning all night. What's going on between you two?" 

Vegeta: "You're too nosey, woman." 

Goku: "I agree. Mind your buisness-" 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (makes a face) "My, aren't we testy!" 

Vegeta: "I knew coming on this show was a bad idea." 

Goku: (voice rising) "You're the one who thought the exposure would be good!" 

Vegeta: "Oh yeah? Who came up with this stupid idea in the first place!" (he 
rises from his chair) 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (edges back) "Oh oh...lover's quarrel here!" 

(in unison) "SHUT UP, WOMAN!!" 

Goku: "I swear, for a Prince you sure as hell don't know how to act 
sometimes-" 

(Vegeta punches him. Goku goes flying and crashes into camera crew. Crowd 
screams in terror). 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (shouts hysterically) "You're ruining my show!!" 

(Goku springs to his feet and shoots a ki blast across the audience). 

Goku: "To hell with your show! Here, Vegeta. A present for you!" 

Vegeta: "Baka!!" (the ki blast hits him square. He goes crashing into a wall. 
People panicking, running out exits). 

Mary Sue Fictionary: (hiding under table) "Stop this, you maniacs!" 

Vegeta: "Like hell, woman. I'll show this third class bayakarou!!" (hurls 
concussive blast at Goku, who throws up a light shield. Remaining audience 
blinded, staggers out). 

Mary Sue Fictionary: "Head for the hills!!" (throws down mike and runs out as 
ceiling collapses). 

Vegeta: "Bakemorom!" 

Goku: "Bakayaro!" 

(The two Saiyans pummel each other with fists as debris from above crashes 
over them). 

Vegeta: (climbing out from rubble) "Onore!" 

Goku: (climbing out from rubble)  "Temee!" 

Vegeta: (moving towards Goku) "Baka." 

Goku: (moving towards Vegeta) "Baka." 

Vegeta: (touching noses with Goku) "Itoushii." 

Goku: (touching noses with Vegeta) "Koishii. 

(They kiss, surrounded by studio wreckage) 

Goku: "Let's go screw ourselves blind." 

Vegeta: "Uke and Seme!" 

(Saiyans fly out through hole in wall). 

THE END